How much time does an au pair spend with us as a family outside working hours?

What lies behind it

An au pair becomes part of your everyday family life for a year — but remains, nonetheless, a young, independent person with their own life and their own needs. There should therefore be no expectation that the au pair spends all their free time with the host family.

Everyday life in Germany can be demanding, especially for young au pairs. Many have never worked regularly before, are living far away from their own family for the first time, and at the same time have to get used to a new language, a new culture and a new family routine. On top of this come childcare, the language course, homework, vocabulary learning and building their own circle of friends.

That is why withdrawing is entirely normal. After their working hours, an au pair may go to their room, make phone calls, study, sleep, meet friends or simply have some peace and quiet. Even if they have a whole weekend off, they do not have to spend it together with the host family.

Of course, you may and should invite your au pair to shared activities: a family meal, games night, outing or film evening together. If they want to join in, this is a lovely way to grow together as a family. If they would rather do something else or withdraw, this should be accepted just as readily.

Important for host families: how much time is spent together outside working hours says nothing about how comfortable an au pair feels in your family, or how engaged they are during their working hours. Some people simply need more time to themselves than others.