Living together and settling in
Our au pair is withdrawing. Is that normal?
Short answer
Withdrawal can have many causes and does not automatically mean your au pair feels uncomfortable with you. Especially early on, homesickness, the many new impressions, uncertainty or feeling overwhelmed can all play a role. Observe the situation and seek a calm, open conversation - without reproach and without judging the withdrawal straight away.
Last updated: 13.08.2026
What lies behind it
An au pair arrives in a foreign country, suddenly lives with a new family, speaks another language and has to get used to many new routines. Some au pairs then seek more closeness to the host family, others need more withdrawal.
If you notice a change, first consider: since when has this been the case? Was there perhaps a conflict or a misunderstanding? Is the au pair homesick? Does he or she feel lonely?
Raise your observation without judgement. Especially here it is important not only to look at the au pair's performance, but also at the young person behind it.
Withdrawal can therefore also be a sign of exhaustion or feeling overwhelmed. Everyone reacts to this differently. Stay in conversation, show understanding and at the same time give space. Open communication and a little empathy usually help more here than pressure or hasty judgements.