When the au pair sends their pocket money home: why host families shouldn't judge too quickly
“Our au pair sends almost all of its pocket money home.” (Translated)
This observation preoccupies some host families.
They wonder why the au pair spends hardly any money on leisure activities, buys very little, or transfers a large part of its monthly pocket money (Taschengeld, the au pair's monthly spending allowance) directly to its family in the home country.
Sometimes this even leads to worry that the au pair is being put under pressure or cannot properly enjoy its au pair year at all.
But before judging this decision, it is worth looking at the life realities of many young people who come to Germany for an au pair year.
The journey to Germany begins long before the flight
An au pair year does not begin only at the German airport.
Many au pairs have been preparing for months.
They attend a German course and sit a language examination. They need various documents, take care of the visa process, and prepare their departure. Depending on their country of origin and personal situation, further costs may arise.
In addition, there may be fees for an agency or preparation in the home country, and finally the costs of travelling to Germany.
What may sound like manageable amounts from a German perspective can represent an enormous investment for a family in a country with a much lower average income.
When the family cannot pay for the preparation
Not every family can simply pay these costs from savings.
In some cases, the whole family supports the young person in making their journey to Germany possible at all.
Sometimes money is borrowed within the family or among acquaintances. In other cases, a loan is taken out.
Not because the parents do not want to support their child.
But because they simply do not have the financial means.
The au pair year then becomes an investment that a family carries together — and which must later be paid back.
This is why part of the pocket money goes back to the home country
When an au pair transfers a large part of its pocket money home during its stay, this can be exactly the background behind it.
Perhaps a loan is being repaid.
Perhaps family members who helped finance the language course or the journey are being supported.
Or perhaps the au pair is simply, and quite naturally, contributing to its family's income.
What may seem unusual to a German host family can be completely normal for the au pair.
For many, the au pair year is part of a bigger plan
Especially for young people from families with limited financial means, the au pair year is often not simply a year all about travel, leisure, and new experiences.
Of course, these au pairs, too, want to get to know Germany, make friends, and experience wonderful things.
But at the same time, many are pursuing a long-term plan.
They want to improve their German, gain experience, and then, for example, begin an FSJ (a voluntary social year), a BFD (a federal voluntary service), or vocational training.
The au pair year can therefore be the first step on the path towards a professional future in Germany.
The investments that were necessary before arrival are part of this path.
“But the pocket money is for the au pair, isn't it?”
Of course, the au pair fundamentally decides for itself how it uses its personal pocket money.
An au pair does not have to buy clothes every month, go to a restaurant, or travel away at weekends for its au pair year to be a success.
For one au pair, freedom means going on a day trip with friends.
For another, it means being able to send 200 euros home at the end of the month and reduce an outstanding debt a little further.
Both are personal decisions.
Host families should therefore be careful about judging how the pocket money is used according to their own expectations.
Less leisure budget does not mean less motivation
One point is particularly important to us here:
An au pair's financial situation says nothing about the quality of its work or its relationship with the children.
An au pair is not less motivated because it sends money home.
It is not less interested in Germany because it does not constantly travel away at weekends.
And it does not have a “worse” au pair year because it handles its money very consciously.
On the contrary: behind this decision there can be an enormous sense of responsibility towards its own family and its own future.
All the same, an au pair should be able to live well in Germany
Understanding for the financial situation does not mean, however, that an au pair should have to forgo absolutely everything throughout the whole year.
An au pair stay remains a cultural exchange.
Meeting friends, getting to know Germany, taking part in social life, and being able to go on the occasional outing are all part of this experience.
If a host family notices that its au pair is doing without almost everything for financial reasons, it can quite calmly seek a conversation — without judging or interfering in private finances.
Perhaps there are ways to do something together as a family or to discover low-cost leisure activities in the region.
Understanding different life realities
An au pair year does not just bring two cultures together.
Sometimes it also brings together completely different financial life realities.
For a host family, 50 euros might mean a meal out with the children.
For an au pair's family, the same 50 euros can have a completely different meaning.
Understanding this is also part of the cultural exchange.
So the first reaction should not be:
“Why doesn't our au pair spend its pocket money here?”
But perhaps instead:
“What story and what responsibility lie behind this decision?”
You do not have to know another person's life situation yourself in order to respect it.
And sometimes a little background knowledge changes the way you see behaviour that previously seemed completely incomprehensible.
