An au pair arrives like a new apprentice: why induction matters so much
“Everyone knows that, surely.”
This sentence is probably one of the biggest stumbling blocks in the first weeks with an au pair.
Of course the au pair knows that a child has breakfast in the morning. But do they also know which lunchbox your child takes to school? What is allowed inside it? Where the water bottle is kept? That on Tuesdays the sports kit needs to go along as well? Or that your child gets dressed first and has breakfast afterwards – not the other way round?
No. How could they?
A new au pair is a bit like a new apprentice on their first day at work. No one would open the office door for an apprentice in the morning and expect them to know all the company's procedures by lunchtime.
And yet exactly that happens astonishingly quickly in everyday au pair life.
Your family's daily routine is second nature to you – not to your au pair
Families develop their own routines over many years.
You know which mug prevents an argument in the morning. Which child needs the bathroom first. Which lunchbox belongs where. That on Wednesdays the sports kit is needed and that your child needs ten quiet minutes after school before anyone asks anything of them.
Many of these things parents no longer even mention to one another.
They simply work.
Then an au pair moves in – and is expected to understand this family routine within a very short time.
That cannot work if no one explains it.
Induction means: show, demonstrate, accompany
Especially in the first weeks, an au pair should therefore not have to take everything on alone straight away.
A simple principle helps:
Show. Demonstrate. Do it together. Accompany. Hand over responsibility.
Take the morning before school.
On the first day, the au pair watches how you organise the morning. You explain along the way what you are doing and why.
The next day, the au pair might already take over the lunchboxes, while you continue to handle the rest of the routine.
After that, they prepare breakfast and the school things independently.
And at some point it is time to say:
“From tomorrow, the morning routine is your area.”
Now the au pair not only knows how something works. They also know clearly: I am now responsible for this.
Childcare and play also have to be learned
“But surely you don't need to explain how to play with a child.”
Actually, sometimes you do.
Because here too, the au pair does not yet know your family.
How is a young person from another country supposed to know how you play with your children?
Perhaps your child loves role play. Perhaps they need someone to actively suggest ideas. Perhaps they would rather draw, build, or be outside. A child with a disability may communicate in a very particular way or may need support simply to find their way into shared play at all.
So at the start, feel free to sit down with them.
Play together.
The au pair can observe how you speak to your child, how you motivate them, when you help, and when you hold back.
Next time, the au pair takes on part of it.
And at some point, you deliberately step back.
Relationship-building and interaction, too, can be learned through observation.
Demonstrating does not mean controlling
Induction must not be confused with permanent control.
The goal is not for the au pair to still be waiting, after three months, for the host mother to dictate every single step.
It is exactly the opposite.
Good induction is meant to enable the au pair to become independent.
For that, the host family also has to let go at some point.
If you correct every movement, prescribe every game, and step in immediately whenever something is done differently from how you do it, the au pair will hardly develop confidence of their own.
Show what matters – and then also accept that your au pair does some things a little differently.
Different does not automatically mean wrong.
Responsibility must be spelled out
Another common stumbling block arises when parents believe they have already handed over a responsibility – but the au pair knows nothing about it.
The host mother thinks:
“Surely she must know by now that she refills the water bottle in the afternoon.”
The au pair thinks:
“Mum usually does that. I don't want to interfere.”
That is why it is not enough just to show routines.
State the responsibility explicitly.
For example:
“From this week, you are responsible for the lunchboxes in the mornings.”
“When you look after the children in the afternoon, you decide whether you go to the playground or play at home.”
“On Tuesdays, please remember the swimming bag yourself.”
This gives the au pair something that is incredibly important, especially at the start: certainty about what their own area of responsibility is.
Hand over responsibility piece by piece
An au pair does not need to master the entire family routine by the third day.
Start with individual, manageable tasks and expand them step by step.
Watching turns into taking part.
Taking part turns into taking over independently.
And out of many individual routines, a rhythm eventually emerges.
Just as with a new employee or an apprentice.
Good induction costs time at the start – and saves a huge amount later
Of course, it is more effort at first to explain a routine three times than to quickly pack the lunchbox yourself.
Of course, tidying up together takes longer than simply doing it yourself.
And of course it takes patience to sit alongside while the au pair shapes an afternoon with your child for the first time.
But precisely this time is an investment in the coming months.
The better your au pair understands how your family works, what you expect of them, and what they themselves are responsible for, the more independently they will be able to act later on.
And at some point you will notice:
The lunchbox is ready in the morning. The swimming bag is packed. The au pair has long since developed their own games and rituals with the children.
Without you having had to remind them.
Not because the au pair should have known all of this from the very start.
But because you gave them the chance to learn it.
