The weekly conversation with your au pair – why 20 minutes can change so much

A lot happens in everyday life on the doorstep, in passing.

“Please remember the sports kit later.” (Translated)

“Tomorrow you need to start half an hour earlier.” (Translated)

“That worked really well with the children today.” (Translated)

Such short exchanges are part of everyday au pair life. But especially when an au pair (a young person who lives with a host family for a year, helping with childcare and light housework in exchange for board, lodging and pocket money) lives together with a family, not everything should be discussed at the front door, over dinner, or in the children's room.

Some things need calm.

That is why we recommend to our host families that they deliberately and regularly take time for a joint conversation with their au pair.

Not only once something has gone wrong.

But from the very beginning.

Doorstep conversations matter – but not for everything

This is actually familiar from nursery and school.

When picking up the children, there is a short piece of feedback:

“Today was a really good day.” (Translated)

“Lunchtime was a bit difficult.” (Translated)

“Please remember tomorrow …” (Translated)

It can be exactly the same with an au pair.

If something worked well, say so.

If a small thing should go differently, it can be addressed directly.

Not every topic has to wait until the next big conversation.

But just as little should every small moment turn into a lengthy feedback session.

Say what is going well, too

This point matters more than you might think.

Because we often speak up automatically only when things are not working.

Breakfast was prepared too late? We say something.

A task was forgotten? We say something.

But the au pair thought of everything independently in the morning, the children had a lovely afternoon, and the kitchen was tidy in the evening?

Then the day simply carries on.

So try to consciously put the positive things into words as well.

“You did that really well today.” (Translated)

“Thank you for remembering that.” (Translated)

“I thought the way you handled that situation today was great.” (Translated)

Praise creates security – and at the same time shows which behaviour you would like to see again in future.

What went well – and what should be different tomorrow?

If something did not work, that may be addressed just as openly.

Kindly, specifically, and as promptly as possible.

A simple structure helps here:

What worked well?

What did not work well today?

What would I like to be different next time?

This way the au pair not only knows that something was wrong, but also knows specifically what to change.

This is especially crucial where there are language differences.

Once a week: stepping out of everyday routine

In addition to the short conversations in daily life, there should regularly be a calm moment in which both sides really have time.

Sit down together.

Without children who need something at the same time. Without cooking dinner on the side. Without having to get to the next appointment in five minutes.

Here, the past week can be briefly discussed while the coming week is planned at the same time.

What is coming up?

When will the au pair be needed?

What appointments do the children have?

Are there any changes?

What free time is planned?

And is there something either side would like to raise?

This creates considerably fewer misunderstandings.

The weekly plan gives security

Especially at the start, an au pair should not have to find out anew every morning what their day looks like.

A clear weekly plan gives both sides orientation.

Discuss the coming week together and put the agreed times and important appointments down in writing.

Depending on the au pair's German skills, it can be helpful, especially in the early period, to also note down important information in English.

The finished weekly plan can then, for example, be hung up somewhere clearly visible, in the kitchen or on the fridge.

The au pair can keep a further copy for themselves.

This way both sides can check it at any time.

What really matters may also be named as such

Not every small thing carries the same weight.

There are wishes.

There are things where you can be flexible.

And there are agreements where a family has to say:

“This really matters to us and we need to be able to rely on it.” (Translated)

Perhaps it is about punctuality.

Perhaps about a rule for how to interact with the children.

Perhaps about a particular routine.

Say such points clearly.

An au pair can only meet expectations if they know which expectations actually exist.

German or English? What matters is being understood

Of course, an au pair is in Germany partly to improve their German skills as well.

Everyday family life offers opportunities for this every single day.

But for important arrangements, the point should not be to speak German exclusively at all costs.

If you notice that something has not been fully understood, explain it again more simply – or additionally in English.

Appointments, working hours, or important rules in particular should genuinely be understood in the end, not just roughly grasped.

Give your au pair space, too

A weekly conversation does not only work in one direction.

Ask your au pair as well:

How was your week?

Is there something you find difficult?

Was there something you did not understand?

Is there a situation with the children where you feel unsure?

Sometimes host families only learn through such questions that the au pair has been thinking about a small matter for days that could have been cleared up in two minutes.

Good communication stops small things from becoming big ones

A weekly conversation does not have to be a major family conference.

It is about a fixed moment in which both sides know:

Here we can bring things up.

On top of that come the small doorstep conversations of daily life.

Sometimes a word of praise.

Sometimes a brief correction.

Sometimes a “Let's do that differently tomorrow, please.” (Translated)

And once, calmly, a look ahead at the coming week.

It is exactly this mixture that creates orientation.

Our tip from Besondere Sterne

Do not wait to have conversations until frustration has built up.

Praise what works well. Address early what should change. And plan the coming week together.

A clear weekly plan and regular conversations give your au pair security – and give you, as a host family, reliability.

Because difficulties in everyday au pair life often do not arise because someone deliberately does something wrong.

But because two people believed they had agreed on the same thing.

Good communication ensures that “I thought …” (Translated) turns into a clear “We agreed that …” (Translated)