Au pair for a child with a disability – is it worthwhile for our family?

“Can an au pair even fit us? Our child has a disability.”

Families ask us this question again and again.

Perhaps your child needs more support in everyday life than other children. Perhaps you also have siblings. Therapies, school, nursery and appointments take up a large part of your week.

And perhaps you have reached the point where you think:

We need support. But which kind of support actually fits our life?

An au pair can be a real enrichment, especially for families with a child with a disability.

But it does not automatically fit every family.

So the decisive question is not only:

“Can we host an au pair?”

But rather:

“Does the kind of support an au pair offers fit what we actually need in our everyday life?”

Is a family with a child with a disability even allowed to host an au pair?

Yes.

Even if a child with a disability or care needs lives in your family, an au pair can, in principle, live with you.

What matters, however, is which tasks the au pair is meant to take on.

An au pair is not a carer.

It is not a therapeutic professional and does not replace school support (Schulbegleitung, an assistant who accompanies a child at school) or professional assistance.

Its tasks lie in childcare and light duties around family life.

And it is precisely there that huge value can lie for many families.

Perhaps you do not need another professional at all

When parents think about support for a child with a disability, they understandably often think first of professional services.

A nursing service.

Assistance.

A family-relief service (familienentlastender Dienst, a service that gives families short breaks from caregiving).

School support.

Therapy.

All of these services have their place.

But sometimes a family's real problem lies somewhere quite different.

Perhaps you do not need anyone for a caregiving task.

Perhaps you simply need someone who pitches in during the mornings.

Someone who plays with one child while you look after the other.

Someone who is there in the afternoons.

Someone who takes the siblings to the playground.

Someone who takes on light household tasks.

Or someone who lets you concentrate on just one of your children for a while.

That is exactly where the strength of an au pair begins.

An au pair lives right in the middle of your everyday family life

An au pair does not come for a single appointment and then leave again.

It lives with your family under one roof and, within the au pair programme, supports you for up to 30 hours a week.

This creates a quite different kind of support.

The au pair gets to know your children.

Over time it learns the morning routine.

It knows who likes which breakfast.

It experiences the afternoons.

It comes to know the favourite games, routines and, eventually, the small particularities of your family.

Over the months, an initially unfamiliar person can become a familiar person within your everyday family life.

Familiarity can be especially valuable for a child with a disability

Not every child can quickly adjust to changing people.

Some children need repetition.

Others need fixed routines or considerably more time to build trust.

Perhaps your child communicates non-verbally.

Perhaps they have autism, FASD, a developmental delay, a physical disability or a rare condition.

An au pair does not need to know everything about your child on the first day.

That would also be an unrealistic expectation.

It is allowed to get to know your child.

Day by day.

It observes, asks questions and learns which routines matter, what brings your child joy, and where support is needed.

This familiarity can become a great advantage.

And what about the siblings?

An au pair for a family with a child with a disability is not automatically there exclusively for that one child.

Quite the opposite.

One of the biggest advantages can be that attention can suddenly be distributed differently.

Perhaps the au pair spends an afternoon with your child with a disability while you go to sport with the sibling.

Next time, you deliberately spend time with your child with a disability while the au pair takes the siblings to the playground.

Two children need something at the same time?

Suddenly there are two adults present.

One child does not always have to wait just because the other currently needs more support.

An au pair can also give parents back some breathing space

And then there is you.

When did you last go shopping in peace?

When did you last have time for a walk?

When were you last able to attend an appointment without first reorganising care for the whole family?

Or – if you live as a couple – when did you last go out for a meal or to the cinema together?

An au pair can create small pockets of breathing space here too.

Not necessarily a whole free weekend.

But perhaps two hours.

A morning.

An evening.

And in an everyday family life where someone constantly needs something, these small windows of time can be incredibly valuable.

When can an au pair fit your family especially well?

An au pair can be interesting for your family if what you want above all is regular support in daily family life.

For example, if you notice:

You often need an extra pair of hands.

You would like to be able to split tasks between two adults.

Your siblings should get more individual attention again.

Your child benefits from familiar people and recurring routines.

Holiday periods regularly push you to your organisational limits.

Mornings, afternoons or evening routines are especially challenging.

Or you simply wish for another person who knows your family and shares the load of everyday life.

When is an au pair not the right solution?

The other side is just as important.

If you are mainly looking for someone to take on medical care or nursing tasks, an au pair is not the right kind of support.

Therapeutic input or tasks requiring a corresponding professional qualification also do not fall within an au pair's responsibility.

And of course a family must be ready to genuinely welcome a young person into their home.

Because an au pair is not a care worker who drives home after their shift.

Your home becomes their home too, for a few months.

That means their own room, shared meals, cultural exchange and the willingness to integrate a new person into family life.

What matters is not only experience – it is the right match

Especially with a child with a disability, families often ask:

“Do we absolutely need an au pair who already knows this specific disability?”

Experience can of course be very valuable.

But it is not the only criterion.

An au pair may already be familiar with a particular diagnosis and still not personally fit your family at all.

Another may never have supported a child with exactly this disability, yet brings experience with children, patience, empathy, willingness to learn and a personality that fits your child brilliantly.

That is why, at Besondere Sterne, we do not look only at a diagnosis.

We look at the family as a whole.

At the children.

At everyday life.

At the actual support needs.

And at the person who should fit this life.

An au pair does not replace professional help – it closes a different gap

Perhaps that is the most important answer to the question of whether an au pair is worthwhile for a child with a disability.

An au pair does not replace the professionals your child needs.

It does not replace therapy.

Not nursing care.

Not school support.

It provides support where real family life happens, in between all these services.

In the mornings at the breakfast table.

In the afternoons after school.

While playing.

During the holidays.

With the siblings.

In all those small situations for which you would not order a service – but where two extra hands make a big difference.

Is an au pair worthwhile for our family?

If you are looking for a professional for your child, the answer is probably: no.

If, on the other hand, you are looking for an additional, familiar person who lives with your family, gets to know your children and supports you regularly in everyday life, the answer can look quite different.

Then an au pair can be exactly the kind of support that has been missing so far.

Not exclusively for your child with a disability.

Not exclusively for the siblings.

And not exclusively for you either.

But for your family as a whole.

At Besondere Sterne, we have specialised exactly in these families.

Because for a child with a disability, finding an au pair is not about bringing just any extra person into the house.

It is about finding the person who fits your child, your other children and your everyday family life.