Finding an au pair with experience of children with disabilities – what parents should look for

“We are looking for an au pair with experience of children with disabilities.” (Translated)

Many families come to us with exactly this wish.

Perhaps your family includes a child with an intellectual or physical disability, a developmental delay, autism, ADHD, a genetic condition or a rare illness.

And of course you don't want to welcome a completely unprepared person into your family's daily life.

But how do you actually recognise an au pair with experience of children with disabilities?

Is one sentence on a CV enough?

Does the au pair already have to know exactly the same diagnosis?

Or are entirely different factors what really matter?

At Besondere Sterne, we specialise in placing au pairs with families of children with disabilities and developmental delays.

And from our experience, one thing is especially important:

Experience is valuable. But preparation, attitude and a genuine willingness to engage with a child with a disability matter at least as much.

An au pair for a child with a disability – does it already have to know the diagnosis?

Many parents ask themselves this question when searching for an au pair.

Perhaps your child has autism.

Perhaps an intellectual disability.

Perhaps a physical disability and uses a wheelchair.

Perhaps they communicate non-verbally.

Perhaps they have ADHD or a developmental delay.

Of course it would be lovely to find an au pair who already knows exactly the same situation.

But that should not become the only selection criterion.

Because two children with the same diagnosis can be completely different.

A child with autism may have different needs from another child with autism.

A physical disability can affect a family's daily life in completely different ways.

And with an intellectual disability or developmental delay, too, there is no single level of support that applies to everyone.

So don't just ask:

“Does this au pair have experience with this diagnosis?”

Instead ask:

“Is this person willing to really get to know our child?”

What does experience with children with disabilities actually mean?

Experience can look very different.

Perhaps an au pair has already worked in a facility with children with disabilities.

Perhaps they have completed a placement.

Perhaps they know children with physical impairments.

Perhaps they have gained experience with autism or developmental delays.

What matters is not just how many hours are recorded on a certificate somewhere.

Far more important is what the young person actually experienced.

Did they lose any initial hesitation?

Did they experience that communication does not always work through spoken language?

Did they understand that some children need more time?

Did they learn to look closely, to ask questions, and not to judge too quickly?

That is exactly why practical experience plays such an important role in our preparation.

A placement with children with disabilities already in their home country

Our au pairs don't start engaging with the topic of disability only after they arrive.

They already gain practical experience working with children with disabilities in their home country.

This placement is part of our preparation concept.

The aim is not to turn an au pair into a specialist within a few weeks.

That would be neither possible nor the purpose of an au pair stay.

It is about something else:

Encounter. Experience. Overcoming hesitation. Paying attention. Getting involved.

An au pair should not encounter the topic of disability for the first time when standing on their host family's doorstep.

Preparation through our own learning platform

Practical experience is an important building block.

But on its own, it is not enough.

That's why our au pairs are also prepared for their stay through our online learning platform before they even arrive.

This covers life in a host family and situations that can actually become relevant in family life later on.

For an au pair joining a family with a child with a disability, it is particularly important to build an idea beforehand of:

What does it mean to become part of a family's daily life?

What expectations might I face?

How do I deal with things not going as expected?

How important are routines?

What does it mean to take on responsibility – and at the same time, where are the limits of my role as an au pair?

Our preparation is not meant to anticipate every possible scenario.

It simply cannot.

It is meant to give our au pairs a foundation they can build on later.

Live calls: preparation also means talking to each other

Not everything can be conveyed through a video.

That's why our concept also includes regular live calls while au pairs are still in their home country.

This is where topics can be discussed together, questions can be asked, and situations from future au pair life can be explored.

Expectations play a role here too.

Because life in a family with a child with a disability can be wonderful and enriching.

But there can also be challenging days.

A child may react differently than expected.

Communication may not work through spoken language.

Certain routines may be particularly important.

Or an au pair may first need to learn that a behaviour which initially seems unusual to them can be a form of communication for this child.

These are things to talk about before the suitcase is packed.

Commitment to inclusion begins before matching

This may be one of the biggest differences when looking for an au pair for a child with a disability.

Our au pairs know what Besondere Sterne specialises in.

They know that our host families have children with disabilities or developmental delays.

The topic of inclusion is not raised only after an au pair has already decided on Germany.

It is part of our placement concept from the very beginning.

Anyone who chooses to be placed through Besondere Sterne is consciously choosing to be open to family life with a child with a disability.

This commitment is, for us, an important foundation.

Experience alone does not make a good au pair

Even so, we would never advise families to look solely for as much experience as possible.

Because you are not looking for a CV.

You are looking for a person.

An au pair may already have many hours of experience with children with disabilities and still, personally, not be the right fit for your child.

Another may bring less experience with a particular diagnosis but be incredibly patient, attentive, warm and willing to learn.

That's why several things belong together when choosing an au pair:

Experience. Preparation. Personality. Openness. Willingness to learn. And your family's own personal feeling.

Your child does not have to fit the au pair

In fact, it is exactly the other way round.

When looking for the right au pair, parents should not ask themselves:

“Is our child perhaps too difficult for an au pair?”

But rather:

“Which person could cope well with our child's particular needs?”

Perhaps your child needs a great deal of calm.

Then a particularly patient person may be important.

Perhaps your child is extremely active.

Perhaps they need clear routines.

Perhaps they communicate using a talker, sign language, pictures, or mainly non-verbally.

Perhaps they use a wheelchair.

Perhaps, because of their developmental delay, they need considerably more support in daily life than other children their age.

All of this information helps you when getting to know an au pair.

Speak openly about your child during the introduction

Don't try to make daily life sound nicer or easier than it actually is.

A future au pair should know what they are taking on.

Tell them:

What works well?

What does your child love?

What can be difficult?

How do they communicate?

Which situations require patience?

Which tasks would you like the au pair to take on?

And just as importantly:

Which tasks explicitly do not belong to their role?

Even with a placement and preparation, an au pair is not a carer in the professional sense.

They do not replace a therapist, a qualified special-needs professional or professional assistance.

They support with childcare and normal family life within the framework of the au pair programme.

Even so, the real preparation only begins in your family

Even the best-prepared au pair does not yet know your child.

You may have known every look on your child's face for ten years.

You know what each sound means.

You recognise when things are becoming too much before anyone else even notices something is happening.

Your au pair starts from zero.

That's why they need time after arrival.

They must be allowed to observe.

To ask questions.

To learn routines.

To make mistakes.

And to understand, step by step, what your child needs.

Preparation creates a foundation. A relationship only develops through shared everyday life.

That's why we also stay involved after arrival

For us, a placement does not end when the au pair lands in Germany.

The first period can be particularly intense.

The au pair must get used to a new country, a different language, a new family and daily life with the children, all at the same time.

That's why ongoing support after arrival is also part of our concept at Besondere Sterne.

Our au pairs continue to be supported during this important early period and have set opportunities to talk things through.

Because some questions don't arise in the home country.

They arise on a Tuesday morning in Germany.

And that is exactly the moment when an au pair should not be left completely on their own.

Which au pair with experience of disability is right for our family?

If you are looking for an au pair with experience of children with disabilities, don't focus solely on the number of childcare hours.

Look at the overall picture.

Has the au pair gained practical experience?

Were they prepared for the au pair stay?

Have they consciously engaged with the topic of disability?

What is their attitude to inclusion?

Are they open to your child's individual needs?

Do they ask interested questions when getting to know your child?

Are they patient?

And can you imagine welcoming this person into your family's daily life for many months?

Because in the end, you as the host family decide which au pair you want to get to know and choose.

Finding an au pair for a child with a disability – with Besondere Sterne

Besondere Sterne specialises in placing au pairs with families of children with disabilities and developmental delays.

Our au pairs already gain practical experience with children with disabilities in their home country.

They are prepared through our learning platform.

They take part in live calls.

They engage with the expectations and challenges of an au pair stay.

And from the very start, they know that inclusion is an essential part of our placement work.

After arrival, we also don't leave them alone with the challenges of their new family life.

With this, we are not promising you the “perfect au pair”.

Because only you can decide, through a personal introduction, whether a person truly fits your family.

What we provide is the foundation:

Experience. Preparation. Support. And a clear commitment to inclusion.

So that you don't have to start with just any au pair profile.

But instead with young people who can already consciously imagine becoming part of a family with a child with a disability.