Relief for families with a child with a disability: what support is available in everyday life?

Taking one child to school. Working. Picking up the other child. Driving to occupational therapy. A quick shop. Homework. Children's gymnastics. Dinner. And the sibling actually wanted to see a friend today too.

Families with a child with a disability don't automatically have a difficult daily routine. But they often have a routine that needs more organisation, more accompanying and, above all, more time.

Because many things that other children eventually manage independently as they grow older still require an adult companion.

The way to school.

The afternoon.

The way to sport.

A visit to the playground.

Therapy appointments.

Leisure activities.

Or simply the time between the end of school and the end of the parents' working day.

That's why, sooner or later, many families ask themselves the question:

What support is available for families with a child with a disability – and how can we organise our everyday life so that everything doesn't always fall on Mum and Dad?

What relief options are available for families with a child with a disability?

Depending on the child's age, level of support needed, place of residence and individual situation, very different kinds of help may be suitable.

These can include, for example, a Heilpädagogische Tagesstätte (HPT, a specialist day centre for children with additional support needs), after-school or afternoon care, Schulbegleitung (school companion support), Familienentlastende or Familienunterstützende Dienste (FED/FUD, family relief and support services), leisure and assistance schemes, or holiday care.

Grandparents, friends and other relatives are also an important part of many families' personal support network.

And, of course, professional care or assistance services may be necessary if a child has a corresponding need.

But in reality, quite a lot of everyday family life is often still left over between these services.

When the HPT ends at 4pm, everyday family life doesn't

Perhaps the child attends an HPT – but only on three days.

Perhaps there is no free place available.

Perhaps afternoon care ends too early.

The Schulbegleitung accompanies the child during school, but not automatically through the whole of the rest of family life.

The Familienentlastender Dienst may only have limited capacity.

The grandparents are happy to help, but can't step in every afternoon.

And it's precisely in between that the well-known care gaps arise:

in the mornings, in the afternoons, between therapies, in the early evening, at weekends and during the holidays.

For some families, an au pair for a child with a disability can therefore be a further valuable building block in the support system.

An au pair lives exactly where the support is needed

What's special about an au pair is:

They don't just come to the family for a two-hour appointment and then drive off again.

The au pair lives as a temporary member of the family in the host family's household.

This means they get to know everyday family life.

The children.

The routines.

The school.

The favourite games.

The routes.

The siblings.

The leisure activities.

And, of course, also the particular needs of the child with a disability.

After a good settling-in period, this can develop into a familiar, additional person in everyday family life.

30 hours of support can be distributed in very different ways

An au pair supports a host family for up to 30 hours a week and a maximum of six hours a day, including babysitting.

And these hours don't have to look the same every day.

Perhaps one family needs support in the mornings.

Another mainly after school ends.

A third family needs help with leisure activities and journeys to therapy.

And another would like to spend one evening a week as a couple.

The weekly plan can therefore be based on the family's actual everyday life – of course within the applicable framework of the au pair programme, and in a way that also gives the au pair's language course and free time a fixed place.

In the mornings, simply two extra hands

Especially in the mornings, two extra hands can make an enormous difference.

One child needs help getting dressed.

The sibling is looking for their sports kit.

Breakfast needs preparing.

The lunchbox is missing.

The school bus is about to arrive.

And one parent really needs to be leaving for work already.

As part of childcare, the au pair can help:

with getting ready, breakfast, packing, getting dressed, or on the way to nursery, school or the school bus.

From:

“How am I supposed to do three things at once?”

it becomes:

“We can split things up.”

And that is often the real relief.

Afternoon care for a child with a disability

An au pair can also be an important point of contact after school.

Perhaps they pick the child up.

Prepare a small snack.

Play.

Do crafts.

Read aloud.

Go outside.

Accompany them to the playground.

Or simply provide a structured, familiar afternoon.

This support can be especially valuable for an older child with a disability who cannot be left at home alone.

Because care doesn't automatically end just because a child has turned ten, twelve or fourteen.

Leisure assistance can enable participation

But relief doesn't just mean:

Someone is keeping an eye on my child.

Perhaps the much greater added value lies in the fact that things suddenly become possible that were barely manageable before, organisationally.

The child would love to go to children's gymnastics.

To football.

To music school.

To riding lessons.

To the playground.

To an inclusive leisure group.

Or simply to go for ice cream with other children sometime.

With a child without a disability, there eventually comes a point where parents say:

“Have fun, see you later!”

With a child with a disability, a companion may still be necessary.

Here – depending on the individual level of support needed – an au pair can help as leisure assistance and a companion.

And suddenly Mum doesn't have to stand beside every single activity.

The au pair as a bridge-builder to other children

Especially at the playground or during leisure activities, a familiar companion can have a completely different function too.

Perhaps the child finds it hard to make contact on their own.

Perhaps they communicate differently.

Perhaps they need support to find their way into a shared game.

Then the au pair can be a small bridge-builder between the child with a disability and other children.

“Can we join in?”

“Shall we go and fetch a ball together?”

“Come on, let's build a sandcastle together.”

Sometimes inclusion doesn't need a grand plan.

Sometimes it just needs someone to make that first contact easier.

Maybe it even makes a children's birthday party possible

Families know situations like this, too.

The child is invited – but the other parents are unsure:

Can our child provide the necessary supervision?

What do we need to bear in mind?

Does the child need support the whole time?

With prior arrangement, a familiar companion may be able to attend.

This can take away uncertainty and allow the child to take part in the ordinary experiences of their age group.

Because participation doesn't only happen at school and in therapy.

It happens at playgrounds, birthday parties, during sport, and in the middle of ordinary childhood.

Therapy appointments don't always have to fall on the parents

Occupational therapy.

Physiotherapy.

Speech and language therapy.

Frühförderung (early intervention support).

Riding therapy.

Many families spend hours every week travelling to and from therapy.

After careful induction, an au pair can also accompany therapy appointments, provided this suits the child and has been agreed accordingly with the relevant facility.

In doing so, they are not taking over the therapy itself.

But they can accompany the journey, be present during a session where this is intended, and perhaps even learn suggestions that can later be taken up playfully in everyday life.

And sometimes the best arrangement is exactly the other way round:

Mum drives the child to therapy – and meanwhile the au pair spends a lovely afternoon with the siblings.

Driving can also make everyday life easier

If the au pair has a suitable driving licence, sufficient driving experience, and the use of the family car – including insurance cover – has been clarified, then driving the children can also be a possible task after suitable induction.

School.

Nursery.

Therapy.

Sports club.

Leisure activity.

Especially in rural areas, a large part of the family's burden can simply consist of constantly having to drive somewhere.

However, the following also applies here:

An au pair from another country shouldn't be handed the car keys on their second day and sent driving through rush-hour traffic with the child.

Road traffic, traffic rules, the vehicle and the routes must first be learned and practised together.

And then there are the siblings

Relief for a family with a child with a disability always also means looking at the whole family.

Perhaps the child with a disability needs a great deal of attention.

But their brother still wants to go to football.

Their sister wants to meet a friend.

And sometimes a sibling just wants Mum all to themselves.

Here too, an extra person creates possibilities.

The au pair stays with the child with a disability – and Mum goes on an outing with the sister.

Or Mum attends an important appointment and the au pair goes to sport with the brother.

It's not about “passing off” a child.

It's about being able to distribute time within the family differently again.

And sometimes parents simply need time too

An au pair can also babysit in the evening as part of their working hours.

And then Mum and Dad get to go out of the front door for once.

Together.

Not to therapy.

Not to a parents' evening.

Not to the doctor.

But to a restaurant.

To the cinema.

For a walk.

To see friends.

Or simply to sit somewhere for two hours and talk to each other.

Especially when a child still can't be left alone even at an older age, time as a couple can be difficult to organise for years.

A familiar person in your own home can make a big difference here.

An au pair doesn't replace all other forms of help

This matters a great deal to us at Besondere Sterne.

An au pair doesn't replace a carer.

It doesn't replace a nursing service.

It is not a therapist.

And a necessary Schulbegleitung is not simply replaced by an au pair.

An au pair is additional support in everyday family life.

And that is often exactly where its strength lies.

A family doesn't necessarily have to choose:

HPT or au pair.

FED or au pair.

Schulbegleitung or au pair.

Perhaps the individual support network looks quite different:

School with Schulbegleitung in the morning.

HPT on three afternoons.

Au pair on two afternoons.

Therapy once with Mum, once with the au pair.

Support from grandparents at the weekend.

And FED once a month.

Relief is allowed to be made up of several building blocks.

The au pair doesn't become a trusted carer on day one

This, too, is part of having realistic expectations.

An au pair comes from another country.

Perhaps from a different culture.

With a different mother tongue.

They don't know the family.

And, above all, they don't yet know the child.

That's why they need a good settling-in and induction period.

Parents show them.

The au pair watches.

Then things are done together.

After that, the au pair takes on the first small tasks.

And, step by step, more responsibility develops.

Especially with a child with a disability, this time should be taken seriously.

Because trust cannot be rushed.

Sometimes a family doesn't need another perfect solution – but another person

Many parents spend years searching for the one form of support that will finally catch everything.

But perhaps that one solution simply doesn't exist.

Perhaps what's needed is a network.

School.

HPT.

Therapists.

Assistance services.

Grandparents.

Friends.

And perhaps, in addition, a young person who becomes part of the family for a year.

An au pair for a child with a disability cannot take on every task.

But in an incredible number of small moments in the day, they can say:

“I'm here. I can take care of that.”

The school run.

The playground.

Children's gymnastics.

The afternoon.

The journey to therapy.

The sibling.

The free evening.

And out of these many small windows of time, something can grow that families with a high level of care and organisational demands often urgently need:

a little more breathing room in everyday family life, once again.