Au pair or Familienentlastender Dienst (family relief service) – which kind of support suits your family?

Anyone looking for support in everyday family life soon comes across two options: a Familienentlastender Dienst (FED, family relief service) or an au pair.

Both can support families – but in a completely different way.

The biggest difference:

A Familienentlastender Dienst comes for agreed hours. An au pair lives with you and becomes part of your family's everyday life.

What is a Familienentlastender Dienst?

Familienentlastende Dienste (family relief services) are often provided by organisations working in disability support. They support families with children, young people or adults with disabilities and create dedicated free time for parents and relatives.

Depending on the provider, a suitable support worker comes into the family for agreed times, or accompanies the child during leisure activities, for example.

This can be valuable support – particularly when help is needed at certain times or for particular activities.

An au pair works differently

An au pair doesn't come for individual, agreed hours of care.

They live with you under one roof.

For up to 30 hours a week, they support the host family with childcare and light household tasks. This support is spread across everyday family life.

And this is exactly where a decisive advantage comes from: the au pair isn't just there for a particular appointment. Over time, they get to know your family, your children and their daily routines.

They know how your mornings run. They know the afternoon routine. They know which child needs support in certain situations and which small things make everyday family life easier.

Support turns into familiarity.

Sometimes the greatest relief lies in ten minutes

Family life can't be fully planned.

Picture a perfectly ordinary Saturday morning.

You want to make pancakes with your children. Everything is ready – and suddenly you notice: you're out of eggs.

Now, in theory, all the children would need to get dressed. Shoes, jackets, and in winter perhaps also a hat, scarf and snowsuit. Everyone into the car – just so you can quickly grab a carton of eggs.

With an au pair, this situation can look quite different:

"Could you stay with the children for a moment and start laying the table with them? I'll quickly go and get eggs." (Translated)

Ten minutes later you're back.

That sounds like a small thing.

But for parents, exactly this can be an enormous relief.

Because relief doesn't always mean having several child-free hours.

Sometimes relief simply means not having to organise the whole family for every little errand.

Everyday family life happens spontaneously

A child needs to be picked up. You need to pop to the pharmacy. A sibling needs your undivided attention right now. Or you simply want to quickly get something done without taking all the children along.

You don't book a care service on the spot for situations like this.

With an au pair, another trusted adult already lives in the household, who knows your family and the children.

It is exactly these many small situations that can make a big difference over the course of a week.

Especially valuable for children with disabilities

For some children, trust doesn't build within a few hours.

They need time, repetition and familiar routines. The au pair regularly shares in everyday family life and gets to know the child step by step.

Which routines matter? What brings the child joy? When do they need quiet? How do they show what they want or don't want?

This familiarity develops over time.

For families with a child with a disability in particular, an additional, consistent point of contact in everyday life can therefore be especially valuable.

FED or au pair?

A Familienentlastender Dienst can be important support for families. It offers targeted relief within an agreed framework and can be especially useful for particular care times or activities.

An au pair offers a different kind of support.

They are part of everyday family life.

Up to 30 hours of support a week. A person who gets to know your children better and better. Someone who doesn't just come for a single appointment, but lives with you under one roof.

At the same time, an au pair is not a care professional and does not replace therapy or professional assistance.

Their strength lies elsewhere:

They are there when everyday family life happens.

And sometimes that is exactly the relief families need most.