Particular need
Au pair for neurodivergent children
Support for families when children experience the world differently
Children think, learn, communicate and experience their environment differently.
Some children need especially clear structure. Others need a lot of movement, react sensitively to noise or change, find transitions difficult, or focus very intensely on particular interests.
The term neurodivergence describes different forms of neurological development that differ from what is considered typical by society.
An au pair for a neurodivergent child can support families in everyday life, help carry routines, and create additional time and relief.
At Besondere Sterne we place au pairs with families who have children with and without a disability or additional needs — including families with neurodivergent children.
What does neurodivergence mean?
Neurodivergence is not a single medical diagnosis.
The term is used as an umbrella term for different neurological ways of developing.
This often includes, for example:
- Autism
- ADHD
- Dyslexia / a specific learning difficulty affecting reading and spelling
- Dyscalculia
- Dyspraxia / developmental coordination disorder
- Tourette syndrome and other tic disorders
Depending on how the term is used, other neurological developmental differences are also sometimes included under neurodivergence.
Not every family and not every person uses the term in the same way.
That is why, for us, which label is used matters less.
What matters much more is:
What does this child need in their everyday life?
Neurodivergence in everyday family life
A neurodivergent child does not automatically need more childcare than other children.
Sometimes, however, there are areas of everyday life that need more support, time or structure.
Perhaps sudden changes are difficult.
Perhaps the child needs support organising several tasks one after another.
Perhaps a full afternoon with school, homework and leisure activities quickly becomes too much.
Perhaps the child needs a lot of movement.
Or certain sounds, crowds, clothing or other sensory impressions are perceived especially intensely.
What helps one child can be completely wrong for another.
That is why there is no single right au pair for neurodivergent children.
How can an au pair support a neurodivergent child?
An au pair can help carry the family's familiar structures and rules in everyday life.
Depending on age and support needs, an au pair can, for example:
- accompany fixed morning or afternoon routines,
- take the child to nursery (Kita) or school,
- accompany them to leisure activities,
- play, read, do crafts or spend time outdoors together,
- support transitions calmly in everyday life,
- help carry agreed structures and routines,
- build enough movement or rest into the afternoon,
- give the child time for everyday tasks,
- take individual forms of communication into account,
- look after siblings,
- prepare simple meals for the children,
- take on light tasks around the children,
- provide babysitting within the agreed working hours.
This is not about an au pair changing the child or making them 'more normal'.
It is about supporting an everyday family life that suits this child.
Structure can help – but so can flexibility
Some neurodivergent children benefit strongly from predictable routines.
What happens after school?
When is dinner?
Who is picking me up?
When do we go to sport?
An au pair can help by reliably carrying such familiar structures.
At the same time, neurodivergence does not mean that every child needs rigid routines.
Some children cope wonderfully with change.
Others simply need a bit more preparation.
That is why an au pair should not be guided by general assumptions about what a neurodivergent child is supposedly like.
They are guided by this child and this family.
When sensory input is experienced differently
Sounds, light, touch, smells, clothing, crowds or certain environments can be experienced very differently by children.
Some neurodivergent children react especially sensitively to particular sensory input.
Others actively seek out certain sensory experiences.
It can help an au pair to know which situations the child finds pleasant and which quickly become tiring.
Perhaps a quiet playground is better than a busy indoor play area.
Perhaps the child needs time to themselves after school first.
Perhaps movement does them particular good.
An au pair can get to know these individual needs and take them into account in everyday life.
Interests are allowed to be interests
Some neurodivergent children engage especially intensely with particular topics.
Trains.
Dinosaurs.
Numbers.
Space.
Animals.
Maps.
Music.
Or something completely different.
An au pair can use these interests wonderfully to build a relationship with the child.
Not every special interest has to be used therapeutically or turned into a learning task.
Sometimes it is fine simply to talk about dinosaurs together for twenty minutes.
Relationships also grow because someone shows genuine interest in a child's world.
Neurodivergent and no diagnosis yet?
Not every family already knows exactly why their child experiences certain situations differently.
Perhaps there is a suspicion of ADHD or autism.
Perhaps an assessment process is under way.
Perhaps there are various differences, but no clear diagnosis so far.
Families can turn to Besondere Sterne in this situation too.
For finding an au pair, having a medical label already in place is not decisive.
What matters is what support is actually needed in everyday life.
Which au pair suits a neurodivergent child?
That depends on the child.
A very active child can fit wonderfully with an au pair who enjoys being outdoors and doing sport.
Another child may need a particularly calm person.
Some families want someone who reliably carries clear structures.
Others are looking above all for an open personality who accepts a child as they are and is willing to get to know their individual way of being.
Depending on support needs, experience with autism, ADHD or other additional needs can be helpful.
At least as important are patience, openness, reliability and willingness to learn.
An au pair is not a therapist or education professional
An au pair does not diagnose neurodivergence.
They do not carry out autism therapy or ADHD therapy and do not replace an education, psychology or medical professional.
An au pair's task lies in everyday family life:
Caring. Accompanying. Playing. Listening. Helping carry routines. Covering journeys. Spending free time. Supporting siblings.
It is exactly this everyday support that can create valuable freedom for families.
Relief for the whole family
When a child needs more support in certain situations, this often affects the daily routine of the whole family.
An au pair can therefore also help in areas that at first have nothing to do with neurodivergence at all.
They can take a sibling to sport.
Cover a nursery (Kita) run.
Go to the playground with the other children.
Or be at home while parents attend an appointment.
This creates relief not through a special support programme.
But through something very simple:
An additional, reliable person in everyday family life.
Finding an au pair for a neurodivergent child
At Besondere Sterne we support families with neurodivergent children in finding a suitable au pair.
Whether autism, ADHD, another neurological developmental difference, an ongoing assessment, or no diagnosis yet:
We look at how your child experiences their everyday life, where they need support, and which qualities an au pair should bring for your family.
You can then get to know suitable au pairs and decide for yourself which person fits your child and your family.
Getting to know each other
Are you looking for an au pair for a neurodivergent child?
Then get to know our au pairs and find support that fits your everyday family life.
Besondere Sterne is an au pair agency — not a special-education service and not an advice centre. For legal and specialist questions there is the EUTB: teilhabeberatung.de. Go to whichever advice centre you feel comfortable with.