Diagnosis & need
An au pair for a family with an autistic child
Support for families with an autistic child
Everyday life with an autistic child can look very different from one family to the next. Some children only need extra support in particular situations, others need considerably more support, structure or supervision in everyday life.
Transitions, communication, change, sensory input or unfamiliar situations can be a particular challenge. At the same time, every child brings their own personality, interests, abilities and needs.
An au pair for a child with autism can support families in everyday life and create extra time and relief.
At Besondere Sterne we place au pairs specifically with families with children with and without a disability or additional needs – including families with autistic children.
Autism in everyday family life
Autism is a spectrum. That is why there is no single typical everyday life with an autistic child.
Some children talk a lot, others little or not at all. Some children are very independent, while others need support with many everyday situations. Some react especially sensitively to sounds, touch, light or large crowds of people. Others actively seek out certain kinds of sensory input.
Change and transitions can also be experienced very differently.
What works without any trouble for one child can be very tiring for another.
That is why, when we make a placement, we do not focus solely on an autism spectrum diagnosis, but always on the individual child and their actual support needs.
How can an au pair support a family affected by autism?
An au pair can accompany familiar routines and take some everyday tasks off parents' hands.
Depending on the child's age and support needs, an au pair might, for example:
- play, read, do craft activities or be active outdoors together,
- accompany familiar daily routines,
- support the child with getting dressed, eating or tidying up,
- take the child to and from nursery (Kita, German early years childcare) or school,
- accompany the child to therapy appointments or leisure activities,
- help transitions in everyday life go calmly and reliably,
- get to know the child's ways of communicating and take them into account in everyday life,
- respect the child's need for retreat and their individual needs,
- look after siblings,
- accompany and structure afternoons,
- take on light tasks around the children,
- take on babysitting within the agreed working hours.
One thing always applies: the au pair follows the family's own routines and rules.
Parents know their child best and show the au pair what works, which situations can be difficult, and how their child likes to be supported.
Structure and reliability can provide a sense of security
Predictable routines matter a great deal to many autistic children.
When do we go to school? What happens afterwards? Who is picking me up? When is dinner? What happens if a plan changes?
An au pair can help carry familiar structures through everyday life reliably.
This does not mean every day has to run in exactly the same way. Rather, an extra familiar person can help prepare transitions, keep routines going and give a child a sense of orientation.
For parents in particular, it can be a relief when these structures do not rest solely on their own shoulders.
Communication can take many forms
Not every autistic child communicates in the same way.
Some children speak at an age-appropriate level or have a large vocabulary. Others use individual words, signs, pictures, communication aids or other forms of augmentative and alternative communication.
An au pair does not need to have already mastered this form of communication perfectly.
What matters far more is a willingness to get to know the child and to respect and learn their way of communicating.
Families can show their au pair which words, signs, pictures or routines their child uses, and how they express needs, being overwhelmed, or joy.
When sensory input and change become difficult
A shopping centre, a children's birthday party, public transport or a busy playground: situations that seem entirely ordinary to other children can be very tiring for some autistic children.
Sudden changes of plan or unfamiliar situations can also trigger being overwhelmed.
An au pair should therefore know which situations can be challenging for the child and how the family deals with them.
Sometimes good support means announcing a transition well in advance.
Sometimes it means finding a quieter place.
And sometimes it simply means not asking any more of the child than they can manage in that moment.
The right au pair for an autistic child
When making a placement, we look closely at what a family actually needs.
Does the child need a calm and patient person? Or would an active au pair who likes being outdoors be a better fit? Are there situations that need particularly close supervision? Does the child communicate in a particular way? Are there siblings? What tasks should the au pair mainly take on?
Depending on the support needs, it can be useful to choose an au pair who already has experience with autistic children or children with a disability.
At least as important, however, are personality, patience, openness, reliability and a willingness to engage with a child's individual needs.
An au pair does not replace autism therapy
An au pair is not a therapist, not a medical or educational professional, and not a carer.
It follows that an au pair does not carry out autism therapy or any tasks that require a corresponding professional qualification.
An au pair can, however, accompany what already takes place in everyday family life anyway:
Routines. Communication. Playing. Getting from place to place. Free time. Meals. Siblings. Afternoons. Simply being there.
And this everyday support can add up to a great deal of relief for a family.
Relief can also mean being there for the siblings
When a child needs a great deal of support, a large share of the parents' attention inevitably ends up focused on that child.
An au pair can therefore also specifically look after the siblings.
While one parent takes a therapy or medical appointment, the au pair can pick a sibling up from nursery (Kita), take them to sport, or spend an afternoon with them.
In this way, an au pair can help create more time for all of the children in the family.
Autism without a confirmed diagnosis
Not every family already has a final diagnosis.
Perhaps there is currently only a suspicion of autism. Perhaps your child is going through diagnostic assessment, or shows certain behaviours and particular traits without a clear cause having been identified so far.
You can get in touch with Besondere Sterne in this situation too.
For a placement, it is not decisive whether a confirmed diagnosis already exists. What matters is what support your child and your family need in everyday life.
Finding an au pair for a child with autism
At Besondere Sterne, we support families with autistic children in finding a suitable au pair.
We look not only at the diagnosis, but at the person behind it: your child, their needs, their everyday life, and the support you wish for as a family.
You can then get to know suitable au pairs and decide for yourself who is a good fit for your child and your family.
Getting to know each other
Looking for an au pair for a child with autism?
Then get to know our au pairs and find support that fits your everyday family life.
Besondere Sterne is an au pair agency — not a special-education service and not an advice centre. For legal and specialist questions there is the EUTB: teilhabeberatung.de. Go to whichever advice centre you feel comfortable with.